Doing Your Doodie

Greetings from our corner of the corona 19 cease and desist order.

It’s been awhile since we last chatted here so I’m not sure if my blog site is still active but here goes.

Thank God I have Linda to share this little confinement area of ours. We co-exist pretty darn well. At least she tolerates me…so far.

Things might change once we run out of toilet paper.

We’re down to three rolls with little hope of finding more since the hoarders and worry warts have “wiped out” the store shelves.

The only real argument Linda and I have had since this quarantine business began is over my trying to convince her that we’ve got rolls and rolls of these cheap paper towels that will flush just fine no matter what the Rotor Rooter lobby says.

She says we definitely will not be doing I guess I’ll have to dig out those ears of corn I bought for the squirrels..remove the kernels and use the cob just like our ancestors did. But they won’t flush either so disposal would still be a it would likely cause a significant irritation to an extremely tender area with constant use.

We don’t get a Sears catalog anymore but there are plenty of others that arrive in the mail on a regular basis. Trouble is, they’re all printed on shiny (I assume non-absorbent) paper.

There may still be an old telephone book around somewhere. We dropped our landline over a year ago so they stopped showing up.

We also cancelled the Argus Leader which I sort of regret now because it could finally be used for the exact purpose it has become.

There was some talk of hooking a garden hose up to the bathtub faucet then fishing it and the nozzle down through the toilet tank then bring it up and out the flush porthole with the setting on sprinkle. Sort of a redneck bedet. But, it too presents a few problems not the least of which would be my inability to hook up such a contraption with an on/off valve. Also I haven’t a clue as to how to control the water temperature so the defecate-ee isn’t butt baptized with an ice cold shock to the system.

I suppose leaves would be an option..but our two maples are only in the budding stage and won’t achieve wipeable size until mid-summer.

“What about dryer wipes,” I asked.  “Sure if we’re made of money, she said. Plus, I don’t think they’d be flushable either.”

So, that’s our situation.

I’ll let you know how things turn out in a couple weeks when we’re on our last couple of spins on our final roll.

Meantime, stay safe. Love the people you’re with and Pray that this will soon end.


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  1. Finally, the old catalogs have something on Amazon. You can’t wipe with Amazon, even with free shii**ing over 25 dollars. Sorry. I meant shipping. Maybe Amazon Prime can roll out something to go paperless. Or would that be paperlessly.? Mrs. Lang, where are you when a former grammar student needs you?

  2. I can just imagine these conversations there in the living room. I sure hope it doesn’t come down to the corn cobs. Ouch! Love you two.

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